Thursday, December 19, 2013

The 5 Best Christmas Presents From My Childhood (That I Can Remember)

Christmas is almost here, everyone. It's my absolute favorite time of the year. It's also been a long time since I've written anything for my personal blog, and my buddy/enemy Luke suggested I write something about Christmas. I got to thinking about my childhood, about how I've always gotten excited for this time of year, and I started remembering a lot of my favorite gifts over the years, so I wanted to share some of them with you.

The Eliminator TS-7

Before I say anything, just watch this commercial.

Did you see how jacked that dude is? How could a child of 7 possibly resist this thing? There's seven different weapons in one! Don't you understand what kind of value that is? In one box you get: knife, bigger knife,...round knife?, a machine gun, a machine gun knife, a machine gun with a bigger knife, and a machine gun with a...round knife? AWESOME!

Not only was there 7 weapons, but they all had super rad sound effects. The knife had two buttons on it, one button made a "slice" sound, and the other (I believe) made a "thrust" sound. But, when you plug that bad boy into the machine gun attachment, you feel like you're back in Vietnam!

The Real Ghostbusters Figures

When I was a child, the two cartoon series that I absolutely loved were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (duh), and The Real Ghostbusters. Don't be fooled, as there were actually two Ghostbsters cartoons back then. There was one just called Ghostbusters, which, inexplicably, had a gorilla as part of the crew. But then there was The Real Ghostbusters, which was the true cartoon based on the films. Naturally, there were tons of action figures based on the show, and I specifically remember Christmas 1991 where I received all kinds of them. I missed out on the original run of figures, I got in the game with the "Super Fright Features" line of toys.

I also got a lot of the monsters. From the "Haunted Humans" line, I got this dude.

Then, from the "Monsters" line, I got all these mofos.

On top of all these, I also got the Ecto-1:

But the one that tops them all is the Ghostbusters HQ. In one of our family photo albums there is still a picture of me opening this. Just look at this thing.

Christmas '91 was a good year.

These Two Posters

I've always had a thing for posters. I still have a lot of videogame posters, as well as some of the bigger flyers from my wrestling career that I keep up. I just like displaying my interests, I guess. When I was a kid, my number one love was sports, so I wanted posters of my favorite players. Being a Cincinnati Reds fan in the early 90s, naturally my favorite player was Barry Larkin (still probably my all-time favorite player behind Pete Rose), and my walls were naked without this bad boy:

I didn't even know this was a movie reference at the time.

The other poster I really wanted was one that I saw of my favorite NBA player, Shaquille O'Neal. I always loved Shaq because I was the big kid on all my basketball teams growing up. I felt like I could relate to him, seeing as we're both tall, black, and think we can rap.

Yeah, remember when Shaq played for the Orlando Magic? Of course you don't. No one remembers that.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis

I've always had a huge love for the Resident Evil series, even though these days it pretty much belongs in the toilet. I've written about it once...or twice...okay, three times. But back in 1999, it was my favorite series, because it always scared the crap out of me and kept me on the edge of my seat. Watch the commercial spot for it:

So awesome! It's not the best Resident Evil game, and in truth, was rushed to give fans something to play while the next real Resident Evil game was in development. The one thing that everybody agrees on, though, is that the titular character, Nemesis, is awesome. He chases you throughout the game, and it was always terrifying even when you knew he was coming.

Nintendo 64 with WCW/nWo Revenge

The Nintendo 64 isn't the best videogame console ever. As a matter of fact, I consider it a letdown. I wasn't very savvy when it came to videogames back then, so I didn't know what games were good and which ones weren't. But I played one at a friend's house on his birthday the previous month, and we spent the entire evening playing one game: WCW/nWo Revenge. That was enough for me to ask for an N64 and a copy of my own for Christmas. It's still, in my opinion, the best wrestling game ever made. I was always more of a WWE/WWF fan than WCW, but I had actually already gotten rid of the console by the time the allegedly superior WrestleMania 2000 and WWF No Mercy were released.

Watch this intro and try not to think it's the best thing ever. Seriously, everybody should see this at least once in their lives.

I love that the first minute makes it look like you're playing a horror game, and that first-person view of receiving the spear from Goldberg is still pretty awesome. This game will never be topped.


Thanks for reading.


Monday, October 28, 2013

5 Awesome Moments From the Best Monster Movie Ever Made

I wasn't planning on writing anything else for Halloween, but the call beckons me to march on. People always make a big deal about monster movies, so I wanted to talk about my all-time favorite, The Monster Squad. For those poor, uninitiated few, it was a movie about a group of pre-teens in the late 80s who form a club to take out the forces of evil. Why do monsters just suddenly show up in this small town? Because, reasons. The film has become a cult classic over the years, and for me, is one of those movies that I loved as a kid and will still watch frequently today. In my opinion, it has the most terrifying Wolfman ever put on film, and Duncan Regehr gives one of the best portrayals of Dracula that you'll ever see, and that's not just me, he's received legitimate praise for the role from reputable critics. It also has Jason Hervey and the guy who played Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite, so that's also something.

Of course, being a late 80s action/horror/comedy, it has its fair share of ridiculous (i.e. awesome) moments, but I've limited myself to just 5 (or 6) for the sake of the readers, too much 80s stimuli is enough to kill a man.

Honorable Mention: The Answer to the Question of Wolfman's Manhood

If you've ever seen the movie, you know this amazing line, and I'll just leave it at that.

5. Greatest Montage Ever

This has got to be the most 80s thing ever. That song, kids making bullets in class and not a single teacher finding it suspicious, that kid bobbing his head to show you how much he rocks, it's just perfect. Rocky had its fair share of corny montages (let us not forget when Rocky and Apollo run on the beach in booty shorts), but if you want one that will make you laugh and shake your head at the same time, look no further.

4. Mummy Came in my House

This scene is actually kind of endearing. It shows a child's innocence and his father's love for him. In hindsight, it's a terribly telegraphed gag, but when I was a child, I thought it was really scary. I mean, the mummy is right there! Look! Just look, you idiot! He's going to get you! RUN!

3. Transformation

I know An American Werewolf in London has the most well-known transformation in horror, but I think this one deserves some credit. The fanatical man trying to help the police, only to be denied and subsequently transform while still on the phone. How would that not freak you out if you were on the other end of that line? The foaming at the mouth is always cool, the movement of the cheekbones and hair growth, and then the way he demolishes the phone booth, it's all so metal. Then he lets out that roar and you know things are about to go down.

2. Dracula is Terrifying

I think the reason Regehr is so good as Dracula is because he remains so calm and reserved throughout the film, the quiet evil. It's so effective that once he finally snaps and flares his fangs, it's legitimately scary. Fun fact: Ashley Bank, who plays the little girl in the scene, wasn't told that Regehr was going to have his fangs and contacts in, and her screams of fear are completely real. Today, that would be called 'child abuse.'

1. Wolfman's Death and Resurrection

Just watch this, and watch the entire thing. This is easily the best 3 minutes in the movie.


Thanks for reading.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Top 5 Best and Worst Halloween Candies

Halloween is amazing. You get to dress up as Hulk Hogan (like I did when I was 6), walk around knocking on people's doors, and they have to give you candy because you're so awesome. They comment about how great your costume is (because remember, you're Hulk Hogan), and then you get to go to the next house and do it again. It's an evening filled with junk food and compliments, and that's all Hulk Hogan wants. Of course, being 28 and childless, I can't exactly go trick-or-treating anymore unless I want to be that guy, but I still get to enjoy the leftover Halloween candy. Funny enough, the same candies that were being doled out to me 20 years ago are still in circulation. I see them every year, and sometimes I wonder how that candy company is still around. We all have fond Halloween memories, and I wanted to rank my top 5 favorite and least favorite Halloween candies.

Top 5 Worst

5. Gum

If you give gum as a Halloween treat, then every kid that you saw hates your guts. For starters, it's never anything good, like Mango Tango Stride. Secondly, the flavor lasts no more than 8 seconds. I can get gum any day of the year, why would I want gum for Halloween? In the time it takes me to be disappointed by another piece of Bazooka I could have eaten three fun size Kit Kats.

4. Good and Plenty

Everything about Good and Plenty is aesthetically unpleasing to the eye. That weird off-purple and white combo is just gross. It classifies itself as licorice candy, but it should instead be classified as butt candy, because it tastes like a giant butt. You want to give me licorice candy? Give me Twizzlers, because Twizzlers don't suck. Not to mention that these candies look an awful lot like drugs.

3. Now and Later

Do you want your gums to bleed? Do you want your teeth to break? Do you enjoy chewing on bricks? Then Now and Later is your game, son! They deceive you with what they call "flavors" and then shape and wrap it in such a way as to make you think you're about to eat something awesome like Starburst. Very cunning, indeed.

2. Tootsie Rolls

I like Tootsie Rolls, but not for Halloween. Much like gum, I can get them any time that I want. As a matter of fact, I can get a Tootsie Roll every time I go to Planet Fitness, because they have a tub full at the front entrance, and eating candy is always the best thing to do after walking very slowly on a treadmill for 12 minutes. To add insult to injury, during Halloween time they add different flavors. Are you kidding me? I don't want an orange Tootsie Roll, I prefer my Tootsie Rolls to look like poop.

1. Smarties

Smarties are the worst candy of all-time. I've never liked them, not even as a child, and children like everything that's technically considered a candy. I don't think Smarties actually exist between November and September, and then, come October 1st, they just sort of congeal into a solid mass of pill-shaped, vaguely Sweet Tart-flavored disgustingness. If someone offers me Smarties, I open the package and throw every piece back into their face and then backhand them like they just insulted my wife's honor.

That's enough anger, let's talk about 5 reasons why Halloween is awesome.

Top 5 Best

5. Starburst

I know that Skittles have the "Taste the Rainbow" tagline, but Starburst is the real king of fruit candy. I've never been a huge fan of fruit-flavored candy because I legitimately love almost every fruit, but Starburst gets it right. Not too hard, not too soft, even though pink has been designated the Starburst alpha flavor, you really can't go wrong with any Starburst, even the orange ones.

4. Milky Way

This seems to be a pretty controversial choice for some reason. I didn't realize there was so much Milky Way hate in the world. Now, Milky Ways aren't one of those candy bars that I would buy when I'm checking out at the grocery store or a gas station, but whenever I see a fun-size Milky Way, I'm all over that thing. I will say that you should stay away from the dark chocolate Milky Way, or the all caramel Milky Way, but the original formula is still great. Sometimes you get it right the first time.

3. Snickers

I once read that Snickers were the most popular candy bar in the world. It's not that surprising, I don't know anyone that doesn't love the combination of chocolate, caramel, peanuts, and nougat. I'm not even sure what nougat is, but I know that I love any candy bar that comes with it (Fast Break, represent). I've tried 4 different types of Snickers bars in my life: original, 3x Chocolate, Almond, and Peanut Butter Squared. All of them are incredible, especially the peanut butter, speaking of peanut butter...

2. Reese's Cups

Chocolate and peanut butter is, quite simply, the single greatest combination ever conceived for consumption. The only reason it's not number one on my list is because I can get it all year round, and my number one is seasonal, which somehow makes it taste better. Why does that make sense? Because your psychological being lies to your biological being, that's why. Your mind is all like "HEY, WE CAN ONLY GET THESE IN A VERY LIMITED WINDOW OF TIME, THAT MAKES IT BETTER!" and your taste buds are all like "I AGREE!" Your mind is sometimes your greatest foe.

1. Pumpkins

If you hipsters are allowed to get pumped up for pumpkin spice lattes, then I'm allowed to get pumped up for Halloween pumpkins. I'm not exactly sure what the name of them are, I've always just referred to them as 'candy corn pumpkins' because, well, because that's what they freaking are (I also like candy corn, so suck it, haters). Candy corn pumpkins are to Halloween what the 3-flavored popcorn tins are to Christmas. They only show up at a certain time of the year, but they make it all worth the wait the first time you sink your teeth into the creme goodness.

Monday, October 14, 2013

The 10 Most Awesome Goosebumps Covers

Last week I counted down the top 10 most ridiculous covers from the classic children horror novel series, Goosebumps. The thing about Goosebumps is that, for every dumb cover they had, they also had an awesome one that made you want to read the story inside. So for this entry, I've picked my 10 favorite covers. So let's get started...

10. Monster Blood II

I never really cared much for the Monster Blood series of stories, but they must have made R.L. Stine a good amount of money, because he made 4 of them. I can't speak to the quality of the tales, because it's been almost 20 years since I last read a Goosebumps book, but just going by the covers, this has to be the best Monster Blood of them all. Look at it, it's a giant hampster, and he just looks so happy. Monster blood makes dreams come true.

9. Egg Monsters From Mars

That deformed chicken placenta looks mighty angry, with angry egg-brows and everything. This gets bonus points for the fact that R.L. Stine managed to write a horror story about freaking eggs!

8. A Night in Terror Tower

This cover is great because of the simplicity. Looking at it now reminds me of games like Resident Evil 3: Nemesis or Amnesia: The Dark Descent. I don't remember if this guy is the only villain in the story, but the idea of being pursued by someone is quite terrifying, especially if that dude looks like Quasimodo wearing an executioner's mask and wielding a giant axe.

7. Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

I love that these lawn gnomes are drawn to look like a couple of toughs straight out of a 1960s musical. They look like they should be leaning on a hot rod and smoking Camels.

6. Night of the Living Dummy III

The Night of the Living Dummy stories were my absolute favorite Goosebumps stories. I don't know why, I just loved them, the idea of a living ventriloquist dummy was very intriguing to me as a child. And what's better than a living dummy (because I know you're asking)? Ten living dummies. That's ten times the HORROR!!! However, I remember in the TV series that the dummy actually looked more like Gabbo from The Simpsons than he did Slappy from these books.

5. The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight

When I was at the height of my Goosebumps fandom, I was also really big into the Scary Stories series, and this cover, along with the story "Harold" from Scary Stories taught me to be terrified of scarecrows. It also elicits memories of Children of the Corn, even though the two stories are completely different.

4. Attack of the Mutant

I've never been into reading comic books, but I love comic book characters. I remember reading this story and thinking that it reminded me of the Sega Genesis game, Comix Zone, even though this story is the opposite of the game, where the comic book character comes into the real world instead of the other way around. The character pictured here just looks awesome, that's why I included it. Shut up, I don't need another reason.

3. You Can't Scare Me

On the TV series, the mud monsters from this episode look completely ridiculous. Here, however, they look terrifying. They look like they want to eat your soul, they also look like Swamp Thing, which gives them an increase in awesomeness.

2. The Curse of Camp Cold Lake

This is probably the only Goosebumps cover that could actually scare a little child. It looks like it could be the poster of a legitimate horror film. This was one of the last Goosebumps books in the original series run, and even though the story was done to death in the series (this is the 4th one about a kid at camp), it's one of the more memorable covers there is. Also, this cover reminds me of Skeletor at the post-credits scene in the live-action Masters of the Universe film, and that's never a bad thing.

1. The Werewolf of Fever Swamp

This is the definitive Goosebumps cover. Whenever I think of the series, I immediately have this image pop into my head. It's so awesome, even today. You got the full moon, that B.A. wolf, the pale purple of the sky, the bubbling swamp, and some poor child's clothes...which somehow were untouched before the wolf decided to devour him. Now, let us remember how awesome this cover is while listening to "Bark at the Moon."

Thursday, October 10, 2013

The 10 Most Ridiculous Goosebumps Covers

I, much like everyone my age, grew up with the children's horror novel series, Goosebumps. For those of you who are younger (or older) and never experienced them, they're basic horror storytelling: There's a pre-teen kid (who is usually the narrator), there's a monster/ghost/pedophile that starts creeping on them, it happens at school/camp/grandpa's, their parents/guardians don't believe them, then they have do something or other to make it stop, and there's usually a twist at the end where someone is transformed into something/was an alien/it was all a joke/dream. Every story had the same basic outline, but I was obsessed with them. To this day, I still own every single one of the original run of the series.

So for Halloween, I'm going to write a few articles about them. The series turned into a franchise, with a television series that ran for four seasons, three videogames, and there was even talks of a film in 1998 being directed by Tim Burton (thank God that didn't happen). There were knock-offs, like the Strange Matter series, and we also had Fear Street, however, Fear Street and Goosebumps both have the same author, R.L. Stine, so that was more of a spin-off.

They were stupid, but they were fun. The best part was the cover art, I used to sit there and just stare at them. I went back and looked at some, and while some of them were awesome (that will be listed in the next part), some of them were just a little bit cheesy.

10. Say Cheese and Die - Again!

The original Say Cheese and Die features the same cover, but with the family at a cookout. This one is better simply because there's a skeleton dog being fed table scraps. Even the turkey that the family is about to indulge in is bare bones. That evil camera spares nobody!

Fun fact: In the Say Cheese and Die episode of the television series, Ryan Gosling plays the main character.

9. The Barking Ghost

This was the 32nd book in the Goosebumps series, and I'm absolutely amazed that it took R.L. Stine 31 other books before he finally thought "How about a" This dog is not in any way, shape, or form intimidating. It looks like a young child is wearing a dog mask, and I submit that any dog with ears that floppy can't possibly hurt you.

8. My Hairiest Adventure

It's called puberty, kid, and there's a lot worse things that are going to happen than a little hair growth. Seriously though, this story is about a kid that puts on some expired tanning lotion and starts turning into a dog, or something. How is that scary to kids? When I was that age, turning into a dog sounded like the coolest thing that could ever happen to me.

7. Calling All Creeps!

I don't know why, but I like to imagine these guys speaking in Jersey accents.

"Hey yo, is yo refrigerator runnin'? It is? Well then you better go catch it you stupid gavone."

"Good one, dude!"

6. Beware, The Snowman

Yes, tremble in fear of this very basic snowman that can in no way harm you...because it's a snowman, and you can literally break his arms if he tries anything. Also, it's a SNOWMAN!

5. Piano Lessons Can Be Murder

For any Angry Video Game Nerd fans, perhaps you've seen his episode of a game called Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. This cover art reminds me of that game because it's so boring and dumb, like it was made using clip art. The story itself is actually a pretty creepy one, it's about a piano instructor who takes the hands of his stupids so that he can play forever. It turns out the instructor is a robot, because of course he is.

4. The Blob That Ate Everyone

I think of two things whenever I see this.

1) That's Krang.


3. Chicken Chicken

Seriously, look how ridiculous that is. I never read any of the later books because I entered junior high and I considered Goosebumps to be kid stuff, but the collector in me had to keep getting them. So I never got around to reading this one, but to be fair, if you had the chance to turn a ginger into a chicken and eat them, you would take it, too.

2. The Horror at Camp Jellyjam

First, I can't be scared of a place called "Jellyjam." Second, I can't be scared of someone that reminds me of Pat from Saturday Night Live. Third, give me the Decal of Doom.

1. Why I'm Afraid of Bees

This was a very early Goosebumps book, but I never read it. I also remember that it was the last one that I purchased because I knew, solely based on the flat-topped child, that it was going to be stupid. From the terrible pun of a tagline "He's no ordinary human bee-ing..." to the fact that the cover gives away the entirety of the story, this has to go down as the most ridiculous Goosebumps cover ever.

Join me next week when I rank my top 10 BEST Goosebumps covers.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Why I Already Dislike Planet Fitness

Against my will, I had to sign up for a membership at Planet Fitness. I recently moved, and Planet Fitness is the only gym within a 30 minute drive that doesn't require some sort of extended contract. I've only been a member for a week and every day I find something new that annoys me. So, here, in no particular order, are 5 of the things that annoy me the most...

Their Philosophy

On one hand, I respect what Planet Fitness does by encouraging people who are self-conscious about themselves to exercise and not feel like they're being judged. That's great. I was overweight for almost my entire life. Even after I began exercising regularly, I still couldn't get rid of my excess weight (then I discovered this thing called "dieting"), and I often felt inferior next to people who were in better shape than me. The part of their philosophy that really bothers me is that while they put up signs that say things like "No Critics" and "You Belong," they turn right around and denounce bodybuilders. Listen, I'm not a bodybuilder by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm in great shape and take lifting very seriously, and it just feels like Planet Fitness looks down on people that break a sweat in the gym. Do a Google image search and you'll find things like this:

And this...

And I refer to egg whites as "steroids."

I've worked out at all kinds of different gyms: College gyms, YMCAs, bodybuilder gyms, etc. Not one of them has ever had policies against letting in certain people, everyone was welcome. Planet Fitness is basically saying "Do you like to take care of your body? Do you take supplements? Do you like to lift heavy? Sorry, buddy, your kind isn't welcome." Which leads me to my second entry.

The Lunk Alarm

This picture hangs above the free weight area (if you can even call it that, but more on that later) in the facility I use:

That's adorable, they're publicly insulting people. That blue light up there is called the "Lunk Alarm." Basically, if you make too much noise (i.e. drop the weights too hard), it'll go off and everyone will stare at and judge you. What does this do? It discourages people from working hard. I don't have a partner at the gym, but I still like to work my muscles to failure, and the Lunk Alarm prevents me from working as hard as I want to. I can't go to muscle failure because without a partner, I have to place the weights on the floor, and that's a very hard thing to do softly when your muscles are completely fatigued.

On that sign, you'll notice they give a definition of what a "Lunk" is (I'll tell you what it's not, it's not a word, if my spell check is to be trusted), and then you'll see that they're kind enough to give you the word in a sentence like you're in a spelling bee. The part about slamming weights I don't really care about, but what exactly is wrong with wearing a bodybuilding tank top and drinking water from a gallon jug? What if I wore the exact same tank top but without a picture of a man lifting weights on it? Would that be acceptable? How about I just not wear a shirt? I mean, as long as I cover up that giant tattoo on my chest of a man lifting weights, of course. I've been carrying a gallon of water with me for years. Why? Because I drink a lot of water throughout the day, and it's a lot more convenient to just have it with me than to walk all the way across the facility and wait in line for a quick sip of water.

P.O.T.B. Signs

You'll spot small signs scattered all throughout Planet Fitness, and they're the dumbest things I've ever seen. These are the "Pat on the back" signs. They all start with the phrase "You deserve a pat on the back because..." and then follow it up with something that is no reason to receive a pat on the back. On each sign you'll see a #potb, so I decided to search Twitter to find other ones that people have shared. Here's some of the results:

Translation: "The bad news is that you ate so much that you're sweating. The good news is that you're sweating."

Translation: "You finished first in a one-person race. Good job?"

Here's the one at my gym:

Translation: "Congratulations, you got off the couch today."

Perhaps this is all coming across as a bit insensitive, but I really don't understand how any of those are meant to be encouraging. There's one on the front entrance at the Planet Fitness I use that says something along the lines of "Those extra 10 minutes of cardio go great with a celebratory martini." I read that as "Rather than letting the knowledge that your hard work is paying off be your reward, go ahead and negate that hard work by boozing it up.
Lack of Basic Equipment

I don't need a million-dollar facility full of brand new equipment to have a great workout. What do I need? Dumbbells, barbells, a few benches, and weights. So I walk into Planet Fitness (the one in Eastgate, for those wondering, so it may not be relevant to every Planet Fitness) and what do I see? A million-dollar facility full of brand new equipment. I thought "Great! They seemingly spared no expense for their customers. I know Planet Fitness has a bad reputation among people like me who take lifting seriously, but this place looks great, I don't see why everyone speaks so poorly of this place. Alright, let's hop on the bench press." Then I took a closer look. Where's the bench press? Where's the squat racks? Where's the barbells? I looked...and looked...and looked. I scoured the facility from front to back, and came up empty.

I understand that this isn't a bodybuilder gym, but you mean to tell me that you don't have the most basic of weightlifting equipment? Instead, you throw in 4 Smith machines and say "This is where you can bench press and squat." No, I want to bench press on a bench press. I want to squat on a squat rack. I was amazed the first time I did a leg workout and discovered they didn't even have a leg curl machine. You have 7,000 treadmills and 5,000 ellipticals, but you can't give me one barbell? I'm not even kidding, there isn't one barbell in the entire facility. How am I supposed to do dead lifts? Oh wait...

Everything is Branded

Planet Fitness makes sure that you never forget the name Planet Fitness. It's literally plastered on everything. Every piece of cardio equipment, every single weight machine, Planet Fitness clocks on the wall, Planet Fitness logos on their sanitizing bottles, they even put two Planet Fitness stickers on every dumbbell. I'm almost in shock that they didn't put stickers on the Gatorade in the fridge. Why not just make part of the membership getting a Planet Fitness tattoo on your face, that way we can all be walking billboards for Planet Fitness? Thank God they allow me to use their facility without wearing Planet Fitness brand shoes.

I've never seen a company so full of themselves in my life. Even Terrell Owens only had his name on his jersey once. You can't turn your head without seeing that stupid thumbs up logo. I'm sure that if I stay there long enough that I'll start seeing that logo in my dreams. I go to kiss my wife see only to see a giant thumbs up staring back at me. It's not even subliminal, they come straight out with it, burning it into your brain. I liken it to what M. Bison did to Blanca in Street Fighter: The Movie.
Like I said before, Planet Fitness was my only option when I moved, so my choice was to either lose all of my muscle, or workout at Planet Fitness. I'm still not entirely sure if I made the right decision or not.
You can follow me on Twitter @TheDustinThomas. I also have a videogame podcast that you can subscribe to on iTunes here.